We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
