why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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