Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
