My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
