Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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