Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
