I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
