Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I looked at my own cervix.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
