I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
