i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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