Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
