I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
