Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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