I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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