I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
