Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
no you cant smoke seaweed
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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