I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Green mimosas i think yes
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
