every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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