Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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