Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
