we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I love you.
Bad choice
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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