Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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