Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
