Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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