We're facebook friends in real life
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
