I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
