my room smells like sperm. sweet.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Randomize
