Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The struggles of a small town man whore
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm bleeding and have questions
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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