We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
