If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
