We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
