Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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