dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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