Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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