I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
