some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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