If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
