We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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