So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Randomize
