Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i think i have herpe
just one?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just want nice things and good sex
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
