Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
