Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
