I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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