Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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