the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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