i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
