The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
you inspire me to be a worse person
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
