I queefed so loud it echoed.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Success! We fucked roommates!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
