All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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