he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
