he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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