Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
