apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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