where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
